I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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