Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
