Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
