Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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