We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
