yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
