i think my tv is drunk
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
