I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
