He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
