I wish I could punch you in the face.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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