my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
