return my video game
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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