I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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