i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
