We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
