i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
