You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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