I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
