I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
