Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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