tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
