New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
