How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
