You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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