Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
