when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
