C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Who died my cat blue again?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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