it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
