Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
