I wish I could teleport
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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