I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What a fucking waste of an outfit
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
