kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
