My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
