we have officially lost it.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is Oprah even human
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
