sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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