arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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