OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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