So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
