sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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