yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
