I'm jealous of your bromance
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
