is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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