you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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