Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
