Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
