Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
