mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
