As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
