I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
