i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
