she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
