Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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