Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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