Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
