He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
