I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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