you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
